I got a little bored this morning, so I went onto facebook (as usual). I went to my cousin's page, and went browsing through her old notes. I'm inspired by her faith, her kind and gentle heart, and her honesty and humility to view life not as 100% happy, but as joy. I got to thinking about how special and different a relationship God has given her with her boyfriend, how she's touched my life is so many ways, and how she truly has a heart for Christ. Then I got to thinking about all the times she's kicked me into shape spiritually by being honest, all the times she's sat and listened and talked with me, and all the laughs we've had together. And then it hit me.
She's not the only one.
I'm going through my facebook page and realizing that there are innumerable people who I have been graced to know. The people who didn't give up on me, even when I gave up on myself. The people who sat and cried with me in my lowest hours. The people who prayed over me when I couldn't speak, and the people who had the guts to tell me when I was being stupid. There's also the people who I admire. The women of faith who go through heartaches and triumphs and still love people. The families that have welcome me into their homes and treated me as one of their own. The children who have faiths so strong their lives are proof! I just thank God
One of my classmates gave a devotional today about celebrating the small things. She said that even if you're having a bad day, you can still have joy in your heart. She had us write down a list of things to be happy about and here is mine:
A HUGE full moon above the education building just before sunrise.
Lately I've realized that I've been over-thinking things ways too much! I worry about my life falling apart and missing deadlines, people letting me down, changes. But guess what? People have let me down, yet they have surprised me in the same way. Every situation I stress over (and this has been happening this way for years) gets resolved no problem and I'm left going. "PHEW! That was so easy! Thanks God!" I judge people without giving them a chance to get to know them, and they turn out to have valuable lessons I really need to hear. Thank-you God for shaping my heart. Thanks for the punches, the scars, the enlargement of my heart, because although it hurts, I am being made new. :)
So begins another post with a super long title. Well my life has been a bunch of random learning and insights lately. I love being in college, I learn something new and fascinating everyday!
I just watched "Waiting for Superman", a documentary about our country's failing school systems. It will make you cry, or at least shed a few tears. Students who desperately want to achieve their dreams and are being held back by the thing that is supposed to help them. Gah! It's heart-wrenching. But you should watch it. It will open your eyes to the kids who want to succeed no matter what race, gender, or age they claim.
In economics we watched a news report about illegal organ donation around the world. A man in Israel agrees to spend his life savings to not be bed-ridden, while a woman in Moldova donates her kidney to give her children food to eat. Both people got horrific endings to their swap. The Israeli man ended up thousands of dollars poorer and back on dialysis, while the Moldovan mother experienced daily physical pain and not all of the money she was promised. You can easily say, "Well they shouldn't have participated in illegal activity" but when two people are so desperate, they are willing to do anything.
Also relating to organ donation, a friend of my mother's had a family member who recently committed suicide. Although his death was tragic, it was reported that when his organs were donated, he helped save the lives of over 100 people. How quickly a sad story can turn into such a miracle!
"Unreal thinking". It's what I've been doing a lot of lately. I set myself up and tell myself things will happen that are half unlikely and it's just... weird.
Plain. I used to think that was me. I still do sometimes. I tell myself I'm not interesting or that I'm not pretty. But it's such a lie. I'm the most interesting person I know. God agrees with me too!
We had a guest speaker come and share with our class on Tuesday. She is an advocate for disabled students. She taught us about teaching with abled students (as she calls them) and was very amazing to hear her take on life and teaching.
When Joseph was a servant, he was treated wonderfully. He lived a just life and had everything going for him. Then a woman of royalty wanted to sleep with him and he kept rejecting her. She set him up, and he was punished for his supposed crime.
One of my favorite Switchfoot songs. "Let me know that You love me, let that be enough"
This year I really feel different. Everything about my life is changing and I love it. (And I in no way intend to brag anywhere on this blog, but since it is about God and my life I will write what's been going on.) I've done so many new things this semester and I'm really proud and surprised that I actually accomplished them. I went to a dance and had a blast, I actually worked out yesterday (okay so it was required but I still pushed myself to keep going, with the help of my friend Kacey), and today I shared a piece of my testimony in front of a few hundred people in chapel. Why? Because I felt called by God to share about His goodness. Even though I write about me and my life, it's all about Him. He saved me, He allowed me to have the worst semester of my life and as a result, I am a stronger Christian. When I couldn't see Him, when I had given up on Him, He was there the whole time! God taught me not to worry, and that I can trust Him. My heart is completely changed, and words cannot express how thankful I am that He brought me through and made me different. Now I have a story to encourage others and to remind myself that I am in good hands-HIS hands.
So, Joe Paterno, former head of Penn State Football passed away yesterday. I wish I could say I felt sorrow, but I'm not a football fan. His pictures are all over my newsfeed and it's getting a little irritating. There's controversy because of the recent scandal. Some people are glorifying him, saying he's gone to Heaven- while others are wondering if he even deserves a memorial. There's the issue of forgiveness. If everyone forgives him for keeping child sexual abuse a secret, is he still a good coach worthy of recognition? If someone is an icon and all of sudden you find out they really aren't all that they seem- that they are flawed- are they still a great icon? How can one person be great to so many people for decades and then BOOM! They are evil and need to be shunned? How can one mistake affect your whole life? (the answer is :it does).
Okay, finally I'm going to rant and complain a little here. I have a skin disorder called eczema. I don't have it as bad as others do, but as I get older it makes my life more complicated. Last night I was working out and my legs became so red they burned and I wanted to give in so much! Today my hands are cracked and bleeding and I wince because it hurts so much. A lot of people don't get it. I want the sympathy! I want people to know how much pain I'm in, and why I can't enjoy being outside like I want to be. But at the same time, I'm self-conscious. I feel ugly, I don't want people to look at me and reject me. (In fact, in high school one of the mean girls told me she thought I had punched someone in a fight and that's how my hands got so bloody.) I want to scream out to God, why me? I feel guilty for talking to people about it, especially since I KNOW there are worse things I could be suffering with.
For health class we are writing lesson plans using the state standards. I'm so nervous that I won't get it right. I spent an hour thinking and writing it, got half way through and stopped. I really hope it turns out okay! This is the start of a new beginning!!! :)
