Colors of His Love

3/29/12 God, You are so amazing. The love You give me, I am so blessed. I complain so much about my life, but God, You show me the little things in life that really matter. Today, I heard a girl laugh over a roll of tape that had fallen over. I got invited by a girl I've never met before to have my nails painted 3 different colors. Thank-You God for the carefree time I could share with this little girl, and for her willingness to let me into her life so simply. Thank-You God for the color in my heart, and on my nails. And when she asked me, "Who takes care of you?" You showed me the real answer. Thank-you for baby smiles, and little children worshiping. For the games of catch with the older kids, for the love of a sister to her baby brother, and for the love of a mentor.

UGH!

Okay, rant. Why are people so self-centered? I'm so tired of hearing about how everyone HAS to have the latest iphone, the best mac, the most expensive clothes. Life is not about material things and it ticks me off so much! There are people who would kill to have a pair of sneakers or a piece of bread and they complain about typing into a phone. REALLY? I actually heard someone say that they would sponsor a Compassion International Child if they didn't love shoes. Is a child's life and salvation worth less than a few pairs of shoes? I'm actually glad that I grew up going without "the latest". My parents taught me how to value money-how to save and how to give. I would rather spend my whole life wishing for things I'll never have than have everything and wish for more. khjfkdkjwefkh,djsfhiwkrhjieuwahrjfuwirhdniauekfhiw3urhjfrieughfkl4jt3ewd. Yeah, take that all you  fake rich people.

Love is a purpose

I'm sitting here (barely) at my desk, trying to concentrate on homework or bible reading or something but I just can't! I've been reading Kisses from Katie and it is the most amazing book! The first chapter talks about Katie's pre-Uganda days. On her sixteenth birthday, she told her family she wanted to take a trip oversees and do missions work. They did not respond well at all. Why would someone who has a completely secure future want to give it all up and risk disease, violence, and poverty? Katie saw how different her life was from the lives   of people around the world. She felt so much joy serving the children she could not ever go back to "the way things used to be". The second chapter talks about her first experiences loving on the children in Uganda. Even though she didn't have everything figured out, God was with her through everything! My favorite line Katie says, "I can't fix poverty, violence or disease. I'm just here to love."

Luke 12:48 says,"From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked." 


Sometimes it's hard not to feel like I'm getting eye rolls or "Here we go again" thoughts when I obsess about my dreams. My family has heard so many times about my dreams but it's truly what I feel God is leading me to. I'm not going to drop everything and buy a one way ticket, because right now I'm preparing my heart and my head. Sometimes I try to brush off these dreams as no big deal, but how can I not share? God has given me so much and this heart is meant for loving! 

"And renew a right spirit within me"

It's finally Saturday! It's been a long week. It was also a rough week. I'm trying to put it all behind me and focus on packing (mostly my winter things) and enjoy the nature on campus. It really sucks that despite the beauty of life and friendships, all I want to do is turn the lights off and sleep. I don't want to be like this because I know life is so short. Time slips away so fast and I try to savor each moment that God has given me. There aren't too many people who understand what I mean-I didn't even really know the pain until it met me. Satan can drag me down so fast, and I waste my life on meaningless tears. Embarrassed to tell the world about my struggles, and my scars, I keep myself away. A few wise mentors encouraged me to stay in the word of God and to knock the devil down. Scripture has been such a comfort to me in the past few days, when I feel like there's no way out. But MY help comes from the Lord. Who else do I need? :)

I've got the joy

What's the difference between joy and happiness? For me, joy is having peace. Happiness is when everything goes right. Right now I can confidently say I've been joyful despite being sick, being overwhelmed, not really knowing where my life is going. A few weeks ago, I started getting really down about not really knowing where I was going with life. Add my worry habit, and you get the picture. Well, I started spending time some inner city kids and realized how much I love working with them. You can see the hurt in the eyes of many of them, and I realized that God must be putting me here to teach.  But that's not all! A lunch conversation with my favorite nursing major opened my eyes to the weak and helpless. I've always wanted to work with orphans and children around the world, but Jody told me about how many hospitals have people volunteer to hold NICU babies and love on them. I started seeing that God has given me a heart that is easily broken and that His plan for me is so much better than what I could imagine! So why should I settle for typical living? I have so much I want to do with my life, and I don't need to even worry about any of it.

Me and my buddy Tate a few years back :)

I don't belong here

The Beautiful Letdown

I don't belong here

Earth is not my home

Longing for Heaven

Being the misfit

Being myself

Being different

The Beautiful Letdown is

That I don't Belong Here

I will carry a cross and a song where I don't belong

Spring Break

Day 2 of Spring Break and I've done absolutely nothing. I'm actually very bored. I went to the library today and got some books I really wanted to read, but somehow none of them seem interesting. I waited almost a year to get a copy of Karen Kingsbury's Learning from the Bailey Flanigan series, and I was dissapointed. I think I just want a book to be solely based on the Blake family.  I got Kisses from Katie on my Nook. It's so good and I've only read 3 pages! I love how Katie shows compassion and love for the girls in Uganda. I hope that someday I can be the kind of person who shows love to children despite the fears trials and hardships.

I guess I've done some stuff. My brother played several roles in Hairspray over the weekend. It was awesome!  Plus I'm a pretty proud sis-he played several parts and was really hilarious.

My aunt uncle and two cousins came over last night. Ashley wanted to play video games.(She's 8) I wanted to hold baby Savannah, but man did she cry. The poor girl has it so rough. My sister joked that I'm usually "so good with babies" but she gave me a run for my money. My mom saved the day and got her to sleep.

So I've been thinking slash dreaming (what else is there to do?) I decided if I graduate and find myself in a tiny apartment I  want a big bookshelf. I want to open a huge bookstore,and teach. And maybe someday this pain in the butt Lucy will find her Schroeder. ;)

A more serious side: Why do we as Christians not say what we mean and let things eat us up? Why can't we just say what we mean in a nice way? We aren't going to be friends with everyone. Just a thought.