This year I really feel different. Everything about my life is changing and I love it. (And I in no way intend to brag anywhere on this blog, but since it is about God and my life I will write what's been going on.) I've done so many new things this semester and I'm really proud and surprised that I actually accomplished them. I went to a dance and had a blast, I actually worked out yesterday (okay so it was required but I still pushed myself to keep going, with the help of my friend Kacey), and today I shared a piece of my testimony in front of a few hundred people in chapel. Why? Because I felt called by God to share about His goodness. Even though I write about me and my life, it's all about Him. He saved me, He allowed me to have the worst semester of my life and as a result, I am a stronger Christian. When I couldn't see Him, when I had given up on Him, He was there the whole time! God taught me not to worry, and that I can trust Him. My heart is completely changed, and words cannot express how thankful I am that He brought me through and made me different. Now I have a story to encourage others and to remind myself that I am in good hands-HIS hands.
So, Joe Paterno, former head of Penn State Football passed away yesterday. I wish I could say I felt sorrow, but I'm not a football fan. His pictures are all over my newsfeed and it's getting a little irritating. There's controversy because of the recent scandal. Some people are glorifying him, saying he's gone to Heaven- while others are wondering if he even deserves a memorial. There's the issue of forgiveness. If everyone forgives him for keeping child sexual abuse a secret, is he still a good coach worthy of recognition? If someone is an icon and all of sudden you find out they really aren't all that they seem- that they are flawed- are they still a great icon? How can one person be great to so many people for decades and then BOOM! They are evil and need to be shunned? How can one mistake affect your whole life? (the answer is :it does).
Okay, finally I'm going to rant and complain a little here. I have a skin disorder called eczema. I don't have it as bad as others do, but as I get older it makes my life more complicated. Last night I was working out and my legs became so red they burned and I wanted to give in so much! Today my hands are cracked and bleeding and I wince because it hurts so much. A lot of people don't get it. I want the sympathy! I want people to know how much pain I'm in, and why I can't enjoy being outside like I want to be. But at the same time, I'm self-conscious. I feel ugly, I don't want people to look at me and reject me. (In fact, in high school one of the mean girls told me she thought I had punched someone in a fight and that's how my hands got so bloody.) I want to scream out to God, why me? I feel guilty for talking to people about it, especially since I KNOW there are worse things I could be suffering with.
For health class we are writing lesson plans using the state standards. I'm so nervous that I won't get it right. I spent an hour thinking and writing it, got half way through and stopped. I really hope it turns out okay! This is the start of a new beginning!!! :)
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