Baptism Service

Today I was able to witness my "little sister" being baptized. It was truly and remarkably beautiful.

Murder, we have

No sane person  would actually admit to committing murder. Of course not! It's inhumane, it's illegal, and it's downright ugly. But I want to talk about a different kind of murder. When we sin, we murder. We murder ourselves with lies that we aren't good enough for God to love. We murder each other with our words, our actions, and our greed. We even murder our bodies into starvation, exhaustion, impatience, and thought. So my question is- how do we stop murder and start living?

I am blessed!!!

I am blessed by too many things to count. Fun nights out (like B-Dubs with old and new friends) long chats with friends, being able to give, being complimented by a 6 year old, free stuff!, laughter.    :)

Wow, God, You are an Incredible Creator!

Today in my developmental psychology class we were learning about conception and growth of a newborn. The whole process is fascinating. If god doesn't exist, how can he take something so small and make it so complex and fragile, but to grow strong and unique in such short time? Our fingerprints, our heartbeats, our sex can be detected so early. Even hours after conception, cells divide. Hours! Not days or weeks or months. I got to thinking about how much I favor pro-life. I think about all the people who support abortion and the so called "morning after pill"and it breaks me apart. How can anyone disturb something so alive? How can anyone call the creation of new life a mistake?-like throwing out a batch of bad cookies. Someday when I get to Heaven, I'll get to see those millions of faces. But for now, I wish I could see them alive and changing the world.

First Day Flutters and Changing of Seasons

Well, the first day of my junior year in college is almost over. I'm sitting here wanting to get up and pace again but I shall refrain. See, my life is seemingly simpler this time around. My classes are interesting, my townhouse is great, and I'm being told I'm not so shy anymore. I'm tired though. I can't go to sleep because I have a hall meeting at 9:30. It's like my day doesn't end, but I'm not angry about it like I would've been in the past. Today, nothing has worked in my favor. My door key wouldn't work, the whole campus is sold out of day planners, and I had to watch a depressing movie in class. Yet, I have peace that I would never be able to obtain on my own. Last year on this day I started crying and didn't stop. I keep telling myself that despite bad events of the past, I can start new. I will be okay, and I will have peace no matter what because my God is faithful.

I don't like falling off my high horse...

August has not been a good month for me. Period. At all. On the 7th I had all 4 wisdom teeth taken out and that started the worst week of pain and sickness I've ever felt. (And as I write this I still have the stitches in the back of my mouth that have not fallen out yet. Then I went back to work ready to start new, but I just kept getting myself into conflict. It's not that I meant to cause drama, but it seems to be following me. I'm trying to humble myself from being "oh so perfect" but it hurts a lot. I'm counting down the days until I can be back at school and start new there, working hard in school and having a great year (as opposed to the last two which didn't go so well academically, physically or mentally) I have a lot of big decisions to make soon.
What this summer has taught me:
I am right
I am wrong
I should be more social
I should be less sensitive
Be careful what you ask God for

I asked God for wisdom to be influential. I wanted to be great, like Mordecai, Esther, Solomon and David.  All I got was the black sheep title. But tis life, right?

A Great Day

My day was just wonderful. One of those rare days were so many things happen yet you never notice and just soak up the moments. Today was my day off work (I am only off Sundays) My Dad had to work so we missed church and slept in. (8:30 for me, it was just lovely!) I watched some Olympics and cut some coupons while my Mom made waffles. She left for the store and brought home chicken and mac and cheese. Then I went with my cousins Lindsay and Esther to Gabe's and got some clothes for super cheap! We went to L&E's church for a Hymn Sing and it was fantastic-God was so there! We even went over usual time, just singing. Then we took the singing outside and included hotdogs and smores while my Uncle Scott played his guitar around the fire. Once it started getting dark, Lindsay and I watched 4 Weddings on Hulu until I went home and played Sims 2 (which I am proud to say that my neighborhood has the complete Duggar and Kardashian families.) :P Today was just awesome. I was going to blog about the Olympics, but I will save that for a future post, and leave you with this. Reach for God in your life all the time in simple ways and He will be known to you :) Night!

Things I Hate the Most/ Living in the moment

Things I hate the most:

Smoking-it's disgusting, pollutes the air and kills people even if they don't smoke themselves

Not recycling-We've found a way to take better care of our earth, so why not do it?

Laziness- Who doesn't get satisfaction from earning money? Why make it harder on everyone else? Get off your hind end!

A dirty vehicle- they need  to make hand vacs more convenient

selfishness- we all live together, we all work together and for each other

Okay, so now that the rant is over. Here's what's been on my mind this summer. 

 Living in the Moment

A lot of times I tell myself how miserable of a life I have. The government makes it incredibly difficult for me to go to school, pay bills, and earn money to go to school and get a "good job". I'm sure most twenty-somethings my age feel the same way. I wish there was a better way. I wish I could be older, smarter, and more independent. I could have my own place, choose my own furnishings, and do whatever I want. (Okay that's a slight stretch for me, but for the rest of my generation it remains true) As Switchfoot likes to say

"I have no generation, show me my motivation"

But it's absolutely true in all cases. We have EVERYTHING we need, nothing we want, and we still want more. Our time as young adults is seen as nothing important. Our lives are pretty pathetic. But this fourth of July I really started thinking. Independence day isn't only about our freedom to live in the United States. We have been blessed to even be born here. To go to school, to live in a house, to walk down the street in sunglasses and jeans. Our brothers aren't sent to war at age 11. We think puberty is the hardest part about growing up, but we are ignorant to remember that in our world, girls are sold into prostitution and married at 7 years old. We can go into a mall and see dozens of items, for us to choose. We don't have to make shoes, shirts, or jewelry. we just shell out money and take them home, and demand more. 

It's hard seeing our nation grieve. I can't imagine how I would feel if I wasn't a Christian and knew these cruelties. I try to be content living at home during the summer, working for slightly above minimum wage in the heat everyday. I am trying to be content being single, in college, and in debt. I always think about the future and what God wants me to do with my life. Right now, it's a question mark, but it's not a period. Let's start living life with commas and exclamation marks. 

My Sister took these!!!

My sister Amelia took these photos. They are just GORGEOUS and very professional. I'm so proud, I def think she should turn it into something :)

A Treasure in a Hidden Place

Today showed me a great release of prayer and conversation between us-just me and my God. It was amazing! For Him I cry without sadness, I kneel without judgement, and I read without distraction. I've heard so many songs that describe my spiritual life right now, that I can't start to list because there's so many. Well, I came across this old Bible in the hall chapel. The cover was worn around the edges. The date: 1989. But the pages. Like new, but with so many markings. It was beautiful beyond words. Such a treasure was placed in a public area, and I found such joy absorbing it all.

Today ended awesome

So...biggest news!

First

My cousin is engaged and I'm so happy and excited for the two of them. They're love for each other and love for God is so amazing it shows brightly. I am so happy for them :)

Second

My friend Jeremy got a new job! Praising God for keeping him protected financially for the few weeks in between where he was job less. 

Third

There are nice guys in the world who aren't jerks and who are actually kind (and funny I might add)

Fourth

I got an A+ on my economics paper. I think I'm dreaming because I was really struggling in this class and haven't seen an A (let alone an A+) on a paper for awhile. 

Fifth

My Aunt and her family are so nice and such a blessing to me. She has a room prepared for me at her house while I do my observation at the elementary school next month. She's also a terrific listener, role model, and laughing friend. 

Sixth (You can tell these are getting out of order because I'm just so happy right now!)

I have awesome friends who create chalk pictures on the sidewalk with me. Like this one 

Seven

My aunt cut my hair for me. Isn't is cute? I love it! 

Beauty of life

Just a simple night

Colors of His Love

3/29/12 God, You are so amazing. The love You give me, I am so blessed. I complain so much about my life, but God, You show me the little things in life that really matter. Today, I heard a girl laugh over a roll of tape that had fallen over. I got invited by a girl I've never met before to have my nails painted 3 different colors. Thank-You God for the carefree time I could share with this little girl, and for her willingness to let me into her life so simply. Thank-You God for the color in my heart, and on my nails. And when she asked me, "Who takes care of you?" You showed me the real answer. Thank-you for baby smiles, and little children worshiping. For the games of catch with the older kids, for the love of a sister to her baby brother, and for the love of a mentor.

UGH!

Okay, rant. Why are people so self-centered? I'm so tired of hearing about how everyone HAS to have the latest iphone, the best mac, the most expensive clothes. Life is not about material things and it ticks me off so much! There are people who would kill to have a pair of sneakers or a piece of bread and they complain about typing into a phone. REALLY? I actually heard someone say that they would sponsor a Compassion International Child if they didn't love shoes. Is a child's life and salvation worth less than a few pairs of shoes? I'm actually glad that I grew up going without "the latest". My parents taught me how to value money-how to save and how to give. I would rather spend my whole life wishing for things I'll never have than have everything and wish for more. khjfkdkjwefkh,djsfhiwkrhjieuwahrjfuwirhdniauekfhiw3urhjfrieughfkl4jt3ewd. Yeah, take that all you  fake rich people.

Love is a purpose

I'm sitting here (barely) at my desk, trying to concentrate on homework or bible reading or something but I just can't! I've been reading Kisses from Katie and it is the most amazing book! The first chapter talks about Katie's pre-Uganda days. On her sixteenth birthday, she told her family she wanted to take a trip oversees and do missions work. They did not respond well at all. Why would someone who has a completely secure future want to give it all up and risk disease, violence, and poverty? Katie saw how different her life was from the lives   of people around the world. She felt so much joy serving the children she could not ever go back to "the way things used to be". The second chapter talks about her first experiences loving on the children in Uganda. Even though she didn't have everything figured out, God was with her through everything! My favorite line Katie says, "I can't fix poverty, violence or disease. I'm just here to love."

Luke 12:48 says,"From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked." 


Sometimes it's hard not to feel like I'm getting eye rolls or "Here we go again" thoughts when I obsess about my dreams. My family has heard so many times about my dreams but it's truly what I feel God is leading me to. I'm not going to drop everything and buy a one way ticket, because right now I'm preparing my heart and my head. Sometimes I try to brush off these dreams as no big deal, but how can I not share? God has given me so much and this heart is meant for loving! 

"And renew a right spirit within me"

It's finally Saturday! It's been a long week. It was also a rough week. I'm trying to put it all behind me and focus on packing (mostly my winter things) and enjoy the nature on campus. It really sucks that despite the beauty of life and friendships, all I want to do is turn the lights off and sleep. I don't want to be like this because I know life is so short. Time slips away so fast and I try to savor each moment that God has given me. There aren't too many people who understand what I mean-I didn't even really know the pain until it met me. Satan can drag me down so fast, and I waste my life on meaningless tears. Embarrassed to tell the world about my struggles, and my scars, I keep myself away. A few wise mentors encouraged me to stay in the word of God and to knock the devil down. Scripture has been such a comfort to me in the past few days, when I feel like there's no way out. But MY help comes from the Lord. Who else do I need? :)

I've got the joy

What's the difference between joy and happiness? For me, joy is having peace. Happiness is when everything goes right. Right now I can confidently say I've been joyful despite being sick, being overwhelmed, not really knowing where my life is going. A few weeks ago, I started getting really down about not really knowing where I was going with life. Add my worry habit, and you get the picture. Well, I started spending time some inner city kids and realized how much I love working with them. You can see the hurt in the eyes of many of them, and I realized that God must be putting me here to teach.  But that's not all! A lunch conversation with my favorite nursing major opened my eyes to the weak and helpless. I've always wanted to work with orphans and children around the world, but Jody told me about how many hospitals have people volunteer to hold NICU babies and love on them. I started seeing that God has given me a heart that is easily broken and that His plan for me is so much better than what I could imagine! So why should I settle for typical living? I have so much I want to do with my life, and I don't need to even worry about any of it.

Me and my buddy Tate a few years back :)

I don't belong here

The Beautiful Letdown

I don't belong here

Earth is not my home

Longing for Heaven

Being the misfit

Being myself

Being different

The Beautiful Letdown is

That I don't Belong Here

I will carry a cross and a song where I don't belong

Spring Break

Day 2 of Spring Break and I've done absolutely nothing. I'm actually very bored. I went to the library today and got some books I really wanted to read, but somehow none of them seem interesting. I waited almost a year to get a copy of Karen Kingsbury's Learning from the Bailey Flanigan series, and I was dissapointed. I think I just want a book to be solely based on the Blake family.  I got Kisses from Katie on my Nook. It's so good and I've only read 3 pages! I love how Katie shows compassion and love for the girls in Uganda. I hope that someday I can be the kind of person who shows love to children despite the fears trials and hardships.

I guess I've done some stuff. My brother played several roles in Hairspray over the weekend. It was awesome!  Plus I'm a pretty proud sis-he played several parts and was really hilarious.

My aunt uncle and two cousins came over last night. Ashley wanted to play video games.(She's 8) I wanted to hold baby Savannah, but man did she cry. The poor girl has it so rough. My sister joked that I'm usually "so good with babies" but she gave me a run for my money. My mom saved the day and got her to sleep.

So I've been thinking slash dreaming (what else is there to do?) I decided if I graduate and find myself in a tiny apartment I  want a big bookshelf. I want to open a huge bookstore,and teach. And maybe someday this pain in the butt Lucy will find her Schroeder. ;)

A more serious side: Why do we as Christians not say what we mean and let things eat us up? Why can't we just say what we mean in a nice way? We aren't going to be friends with everyone. Just a thought.