Honestly, I wasn't excited for Christmas until the very last minute. Yesterday I went shopping with my oldest sister and bought something special for everyone in my family. I wanted to find something that stood out for each person, and I think I accomplished just that. (I also tried very hard to shop on a budget which started out great but I'm still proud of myself!) People were insanely rude on the road too which had me gripping to the side of the car and shutting my eyes the whole time. Today was a lazy day. My mom wanted me to go out shopping with her, but I was so worn and the thought of going out again and on the day before Christmas wasn't that appealing. (Plus she was going to leave at 6 AM-this girl doesn't function until 8) Anyway, today was a lazy day. By noon I'd watched enough teen mom reruns that I could take and I played Mario Party 6 with my sister. Then I wrapped and wrapped and wrapped presents. My Dad was dissapointed I didn't go to church tonight for the Christmas Program. I stayed home and helped my mom bake which was so nice to just have some time with just her for a change.
I live in dreamland often. I think about when I'll get my chance to bring someone special home for Christmas. I dream about when i can buy my own kids gifts and read them the stories of the Nativity and see thier faces light up on Christmas. Right now I feel stuck between kid and adult. Although I am an adult, I still feel like a kid at home, but now I know realities. I see greediness, I see poverty, I see emptiness. Christmas isn't the same as when I was a child. But I'm praying it'll still be just as special and important to me and us tomorrow, and all year round.
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